Over the Half Way Mark!

Dear Baby Girl:

Just a quick note to you.  We are about four months from meeting you.  This is great news to me!  You are so kick-y.  You wiggle all day long.  I think about you a lot, especially in terms of the question: "What will your name be?" So far, that is a question without an answer.  Stay tuned though.  I think we have at least ten names that we kind of like.

Your brother can answer the question, "Where is mommy's baby?".  He points to my abdomen and more often than not, he kisses  my stomach.  He also lifts my shirt to poke my belly button.  Both things really tickle me.

I think I selected the hospital you will arrive in, which is different than the one I used before.  I had a dream though that I was delivering you and the hospital had really, really bad food. I wanted to go back to the other one across town because they had Pepsi and really good fruit salad.  I think I need to find out if the newer hospital has good food, too, so I can rest easy!

Love
Mama

PS - I didn't get you any Christmas gifts yet.  Sorry!  That means Christmas 2011 will be a great year for presents for you (from me).

Letter to My Daughter, Middle of Pregnancy

Dear Sweetheart,

I think about you often, but I confess that I do not have the same thoughts for you right now as I did for your brother when I was pregnant with him.  I was constantly praying for his health, wondering about his birthday, and feeling confused about how I would be a good mother to him.  I worried all the time, but while I was worrying about him and our relationship, I was really soaking him in.

I am not as worried during this pregnancy with you. I am not worried about what will happen in the next few weeks to your body or mine - I can kind of predict it. I am not as focused on your next OB appointment because I know what to expect from the doctors and when to call if there is a problem.  I am not very worried about the day you will be born because I know it will happen when we are both ready (or the labor enhancing drugs we might have to take start working!).  You will probably be born in April and that will be so nice to have some flowers blooming to show you when we take you home.  I also feel very less worried about caring for a newborn as I did before. I feel confident about holding you, wearing you in a sling, washing you in a tub, changing your clothes, diapering, you, and I even know nursery rhymes and lullabies for you.  I feel confident to be your mother.

I also have not written about the details of this pregnancy in as much depth as I did for your brother's blog site.  Part of this is lack of technology this time - that stinker broke our scanner!  So your lovely ultrasound images are simply in a book instead of online (for now).  We also had trouble with our home computer this fall before buying a new one.  Besides technology, I have to divide my time differently than I did two years ago.  Though I worked full time (and had a side job tutoring) I felt as if I had much more free time to do things like writing and researching for your arrival. 

I will tell you that you remind me of your presence hourly.  You kick and twirl so often.  I have felt you since 12 weeks, which is a month earlier than I was "supposed to have", but I think its because of your positioning and my keen mindfulness.  I feel lucky to have just ONE day pass with out throwing up, and this at 20 weeks, 2 days.  Its so difficult to be pregnant and to feel sickly.  But I have just accepted it as the norm for me, and it makes me even more excited to be UN-pregnant. I will be able to enjoy you AND enjoy food and life again!  What a triple whammy!

For the last month I have been seriously considering your name.  And reconsidering.  The short of it:  you are still nameless.  I know what your name will NOT be, but not what we will name you.  I very much want you to have a name you are proud of, as well as a name that is age appropriate for most stages of your life.  Therefore, I want you to have a very sweet, small nickname that is absolutely precious and playful.  I also want your name to be mature and stately so your professional life will command respect from the time they see your name on your resume.  This is a tall order!  I will try my best in this mission, and I accept that one day you may dislike your name.  You might want to change it.  You might want me to have named you like your favorite cartoon character, but I hope one day you will respect the name we chose because it was not a matter I flippantly decided upon.

I hope the next three and a half months pass quickly enough to satisfy my urge to meet you, but slowly enough that you have adequate time to prepare for life outside of your cozy little nest.

Love
Your Mama.

Gender Day!

In twelve hours, we have the chance to know our child's gender.  I am excited for another peek at the baby, as it has been an entire month since I went to the doctor last.  I am so surprised that I lasted so long!

Ideally, we would have patience and enjoy whatever gender of baby we get when I finish the delivery process.

But really, I can't keep secrets and I don't like waiting for secrets.  So I bet we'll know tomorrow.

Oh, I learned that finding out the baby's sex is illegal in Korea since there is a strong male preference and abortion is illegal.  Sometimes the doctors will give hints (paint the room blue, bring a pink blanket, handsome like father, etc) and sometimes they hint WRONG on purpose!  Isn't that something?

12 Week Appointment

On Monday morning, our whole family went to the CMFC, our OB office.  Daniel came along because we did not have a sitter, and he behaved in the child un-friendly office and waiting room for about 20 minutes during the ultrasound.  

The ultrasound showed us ONE baby (just in case you were wondering!).  We could see a profile, hands by the face, and a big belly. IHis/her heart rate was in the 160s, which is good and healthy.

 The ultrasound professional took several measurements, but I was most concerned about the measurement of the neck.  The thicker the neck skin/fluid, the higher chance of problems with the child's development.  I was so happy to learn that the baby did not show signs of chromosomal problems.  He/she has a very low probability for Trisomy 21.  In fact, my risk for having a child with developmental disabilities because of genetic issues is quite low, according to this test and my age.  

The rest of the appointment was fine, too.  Dan took Daniel to run in the corridor outside the office and they spent a lot of time at the water fountain.  My blood pressure was normal and good, and I got a clean bill of health from the OB.  Dr. Grant was concerned about the lack of vitamins and medications I have been able to take, but he respected my choice to stop taking the Zofran because it caused me to stop eating and feel weaker.  He encouraged me to call my therapist though to talk about weight issues and anxiety.  

Then he said a wonderful statement... "See you in four weeks!"  What great news!  This is the longest distance between visits yet.  Of course, I am allowed to come in if I feel like there is something wrong or if I become very anxious and need to see the baby again.

Week 11

This week was a week of nausea, but LESS THROWING UP.  Hurray! Hurray! PTL!

I spent most of the week as an exhausted single parent as my husband took a business trip.  I went to bed very early most nights, often before 9 PM.   Actually, I am certain I didn't stay up past 9:30 PM any night!

I started wearing (and enjoying) maternity pants this week.  They are still baggy, though I have to tug the waist up when I am 8 months pregnant, not just 3.

No other real news, except I saw a friend who is also pregnant with a tiny fetus, and I thought about how neat it will be to have a friend with a baby who is the same age as this child.

Here's a photo of me this week.

How I Spent Weeks 8, 9, and 10.

Location: the Couch
Time: 6 PM - 9:30 PM daily
Activities: Moaning, watching the family, napping, TV
Mood: Grumpy (even though the photo is smiley, I felt grumpy) and Un-Enthusiastic
Energy Level: Exhausted, Early Bed Time.

Pregnancy Announcement

We told our parents about their new grandchild using Daniel as a personal announcement. He wore this shirt I made for him that said BIG BROTHER on the back and 11 on the front (for 2011). All the grandparents first though it was a MU t-shirt and didn't realize the meaning for a few minutes, but when they did, everyone was so happy!

Telling the Grandparents

For some reason, we really don't announce, "Hey, we're pregnant."

With our first pregnancy, I am not exactly sure how we brought it up, but it wasn't in casual conversation.  It was a bit formal.

For the Daniel's pregnancy, we waited longer to be sure we could have more proof of pregnancy, proof like 11 weeks into it.  It would be difficult to endure another miscarriage after JUST before telling everyone about it.  So we waited until Christmas and wrapped up little Baby H's ultrasound photo for them.  They were really surprised and delighted.

For this baby's pregnancy, I created a shirt for Daniel to wear.  It said BIG BROTHER on the back and had the number 11 on the front (which is the year he is a big brother).  It looked a bit like an MU shirt, which might be why his grandparents didn't catch on at first.  When they finally read the words on the back, they said, "What do you mean, he's a big brother?  Ah!!!! Ooooo!!".  There were a lot of smiles and it was a total surprise to them all.

8 Weeks

This week I got sick a lot.  I managed to figure out an eating schedule, and I am STARVING hungry by 10:30 AM.  I am so un-hungry at other times, like breakfast, supper, and later in the evening when Dan eats his nightly bowl of ice cream.

I also have figured out ways to take the Zofran that works for me.  Sometimes the dissolving pill makes me gag and then triggers throwing up.  So now I swallow it instead and drink it with a slightly flavored beverage, like Gatorade.  It only works to stop the throwing up and reduces nausea by about half.  So I still feel pitiful, have no appetite, and feel cranky.  So I am not always the most friendly teacher at work.

My energy was low, but I took Daniel on a trip to a new park this week and on two stroller walks.  I think I had more energy during his pregnancy!

Week

Lots more puking.

Many nights on the sofa that start immediately after Daniel's bath because I feel to weak and to ill to do anything BUT sit on the sofa and watch some mindless TV.

Told some family members when we visited them for the weekend, and they responded with such enthusiasm that we realized how shocking it was that we hadn't told our parents or siblings yet!  But we wanted to wait it out for the ultrasound.

On Monday we did see Little Baby H2's heart rate.  It was strong and 156 bpm.  This is about the same as Daniel's at this time.  We did not see any classic baby features... just really a blob with a flickering heart.  I couldn't even tell the direction the baby was facing it was so blurry (wiggling) and shapeless.  We had a great appointment with Dr. Grant, who assured us we will have excellent patient care.  We also decided when I will be weighed - 4 times during pregnancy - so as to alleviate most of the anxiety I felt last time about my appointments.  Because of the MTHFR problem, I will still be classified as high risk, meaning there is an elevated chance of miscarriage and also chance for problems with the baby's development.  However, I am allowed to go back at 12 weeks, rather than sooner, which is October 11th.

First Family Photo: 3 of Us

Taken on September 5, 2010
Baby H2- 6.5 weeks gestation
DHH - 13 months, 1 week
Me - four days shy of being 28

Dear Tiny Baby,

This week was the most difficult so far for two reasons:
1) Keeping you a secret
2) Keeping me feeling healthy


And actually, both difficulties are related!  Having to make excuses for why I feel sick (car sick, tired because I stayed up to late, blaming my fatigue on your active year old brother, touch of a flu) is challenging. 

We had to cover up the pregnancy for a few reasons this week.  First, I went to a friends' wedding and I needed not steal any of her spotlight.  I told a few of her relatives that I care about in hushed tones and accepted their congratulations, but still you were kept on the DL.   

Your paternal grandmother Becky came to stay with your brother, and I didn't tell her either.  She was up for an appointment with our Aunt, and our attention did need to be focused on her medical care. 

Then my parents, your maternal grandparents, watched your brother for the weekend while we were at the wedding.  I took a long nap and didn't tell them about throwing up the dinner they fixed for me. 

I think we've wanted to wait until we know more about you.  How old you are (exactly), how tiny you are, and if there is only one of you.  I'd like to see your heartbeat, too.

I am so physically unwell these days.  I really dislike throwing up and I dislike how being so sick all the time robs me of being happy about being pregnant.  I envy a friend who is 38 weeks pregnant because she has only two more weeks until she meets her child.  Its going to be a long, long period of time and I hope we get something figured out so I can enjoy my life and your life in ways that do not put me in bed for long stretches of time or gagging in front of the toilet.

I love you already.
Bethany

Week 6

This is the week of extreme nausea.

At least I know I am still pregnant.
I do not know if I will be able to hold down anything I am eating.  Its really most unpleasant.

I have had a hard time remembering how terrible it was being pregnant with Daniel Henry.  The rose colored glasses have been kicked aside and now I remember.  


Blech.  That is the perfect word to describe how I feel.

4th and 5th Week

During the fourth week, I knew I was pregnant because I was exhausted by 6PM, and asleep on the couch by 7:30 PM.  I also was hungry for hamburgers.  I have had seven hamburgers in two weeks.

Fatigue and nausea began at 5 weeks, especially around 8 AM.


We've felt really excited and peaceful so far about adding another child to our family.

5 Weeks

During this week, we barely noticed BabyH2's presence. I only got sick once (in Jefferson City McDonalds... ew).  I craved hamburgers, and had four this week, which is four more than I normally have per week.  I also took one nap each day, which was helpful since I was so tired.  My mood was not especially perky.

First OB Visit Scheduled

Tuesday morning, 8/24.  I feel apprehensive.  Will we see a heart beat?

Positive Pregnancy Test!

We confirmed pregnancy at 6:15 AM, Saturday, August 14.
I could not wait any longer to test, too excited!