This week was the most difficult so far for two reasons:
1) Keeping you a secret
2) Keeping me feeling healthy
And actually, both difficulties are related! Having to make excuses for why I feel sick (car sick, tired because I stayed up to late, blaming my fatigue on your active year old brother, touch of a flu) is challenging.
We had to cover up the pregnancy for a few reasons this week. First, I went to a friends' wedding and I needed not steal any of her spotlight. I told a few of her relatives that I care about in hushed tones and accepted their congratulations, but still you were kept on the DL.
Your paternal grandmother Becky came to stay with your brother, and I didn't tell her either. She was up for an appointment with our Aunt, and our attention did need to be focused on her medical care.
Then my parents, your maternal grandparents, watched your brother for the weekend while we were at the wedding. I took a long nap and didn't tell them about throwing up the dinner they fixed for me.
I think we've wanted to wait until we know more about you. How old you are (exactly), how tiny you are, and if there is only one of you. I'd like to see your heartbeat, too.
I am so physically unwell these days. I really dislike throwing up and I dislike how being so sick all the time robs me of being happy about being pregnant. I envy a friend who is 38 weeks pregnant because she has only two more weeks until she meets her child. Its going to be a long, long period of time and I hope we get something figured out so I can enjoy my life and your life in ways that do not put me in bed for long stretches of time or gagging in front of the toilet.
I love you already.
Bethany
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